I’m what some call — and is a totally real thing — an Introverted Extrovert. Ask my sister who knows this best. From as far back as I can remember (and even to this day), I was always asking her to ask other people things.
“Can you go ask where we sign up for that ? “”Can you ask how she got that thing”, “Can you go ask for a fork?” “Can you just talk to everyone while I hide over here….”
I assure you this was not out of laziness. I was genuinely scared of people, and to some extent still am to this day.
I am not sure what caused this hesitation around people, as one would never know I felt this way since I seem so extroverted if you saw me engaged in a conversation with anyone.
But this is the key. Once a conversation or engagement has begun, once I’ve begun an interaction, I am VERY interested and focused on whoever I am talking to. I feel an instant connection — not necessarily in a good or bad way, but more of a neutral centered kind of way.
And from there, the interaction will tip off my intuition as feeling “good” or “bad.”
It’s like a forcefield has put me with this person and I am connected to them in the moment — to see them, to hear them, to feel them (not literally, lol do I have to mention this?) but to feel their energy.
Something in my nature compels me to do this.
This is probably why when out at clubs and bars back in the day, my friends would always roll their eyes at me because I could never reject that guy who started talking to me at the bar, and it would seem like hours of my being trapped there, listening, riveted… or something.
I couldn’t seem to just walk away like they did. How did they do it?
Other times, it would totally explain why I had, shall we say, overly attracted humans (both sexes) to me. Not that I’m so particularly good-looking or amazing, but because I later realized that sadly, most people are never heard, nor seen — like actually seen.
It is my achilles heal on this earth, but maybe it is more of a blessing in disguise sometimes.
I “see” people so intently that I am not sure what exactly is going on — if it’s my own energy or theirs, or both. Sometimes (though more rarely) it’s not a good feeling and I am instantly repelled by someone.
The key here is that they can feel that I feel them, they can see that I see them. And in our super rushed and distracted world, that is a super refreshing, rare and attractive thing.
This is something I have never “tried” to do but rather something that has always just come naturally to me. It’s why when I meet people for the first time, they’ve opened up and told me their life stories, very personal things.
They usually pause at some point and say “ I’m sorry I’m going on and dumping all this out, I don’t why I’m telling you all this.”
I do.
And again, it’s never ever to be manipulative in any way. This is God-given gift that can be a blessing and, sometimes as I’ve experienced, a curse.
Sometimes, you have to learn to harness your gifts for good, see when trouble is brewing, understand what boundaries are and use them generously.
For reals — Can’t really overstate this boundary thing enough.
I learned to get better at the whole boundary thing in my life as I got older, but who knows if I’ll stay sucky around it for the rest of my life.
It’s quite possible, but I do protect myself now more than ever. I think for a while there, I was so confused as to what to do about the “energy-vampires” I would allow into my life, that I started to on purpose be a b just to prove to someone they couldn’t take advantage of me.
This stupid strategy would only succeed in shocking myself, as it felt so unnatural and awkward, but I had no idea how to protect myself while also being able to have this authenticity with people and not be scared of them - to open up and trust them.
The Trust factor is something you build up in yourself, and in keeping with the Natural Laws in Hermeticism, in particular The Law of Correspondence (as within so without), truly applies to our lives in this capacity.
As I began to trust myself (my intuition) and do the inner Great Work, I began to see trust on the outside in people who were dedicated and loved me truly without competition and spite.
I only saw the most genuine and unguarded of friendships come into my life when I started to let go of the stories I had in my mind and definitions of people in my life who I had felt betrayed by and taken advantage of.
I accepted myself as an introverted-extrovert. I knew I had to take the time to recharge, be in solitude and take care of myself more than ever to continue this journey within to see the changes without.
From one IE to another if this is you, here are my TOP 5 suggestions on how to deal with this crazy world, be present and deeply connect with others while maintaining your sanity and peace;
Be less TRIGGERABLE ; aka Acknowledge your feelings in the moment
Just noticing how you feel in the moment — good, bad, or otherwise can help you to pause and not snap/react when you might be triggered by what someone has said or done. Here’s the sequence;
Some stupid thing said or done → you feel the zing → you say to yourself, “hey, self, I see you there feeling that thing, and it’s ok” → 2 seconds later → breathe → respond calmly or remove yourself and address later.
2. No is a complete sentence
Yes, this has been said many times, many ways, but it still applies. If you don’t want to do something, just don’t… and don’t feel like you have to give some big explanation. One time, I just literally didn’t respond at all to something and it was the best feeling, ever. And on that note:
3. Not every comment, query or “feedback/criticism” has to be addressed
If it’s something that you feel needs to be addressed or responded to, fine, respond (see #1) Once I figured this out, holy bananas did I feel so much better. Just radio silence. Bye.
4. Take your solitude for the inner work
Going back to #1 — the only way I became LESS (cuz zero is harrrrd) Triggerable was when I started to do that sweet sweet inner work. I took my tat (Nosce te Ipsum — Latin for Know Thyself) seriously and took some Mystery School courses with Angel Q. that uncovered what bothered and triggered me, and more importantly why. Once you peel back on that why, it slows down your mindless, unconscious reactions to things. And speaking of unconscious…
5. Let that light shine in the dark
As I mentioned above, trust in self will release your (false) belief that everything is outside of you, and therefore transmute things to change for the better on the externals of your life. Shine the light on what you truly feel, or don’t want to even look at or acknowledge and you will rise up to deal with it and transform it, to heal it and become more whole.
And dang, that feels good.
Shine Bright,
xo Aim
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